Hermit


DEB was a lot of fun once we got our table set up.  The first part is always a pain in the ass, but it is all worth it once we actually start the evening.  It was fun to laugh and be silly, fun to ride a carousel and swing on the swings.

Last night we had a dinner party with Christy's parents and another wonderful couple.  I made a bunch of Italian favorites.  It was nice to see everyone and laugh and talk.

I am exhausted.
I am still really struggling.
But it was nice to see people, nice to be social.

Lesson: Just do the fun things anyway, when I can.

While at DEB we found some friends we made the year before, one of whom does reiki and psychic readings.  She doesn't know me that well and certainly doesn't know my family history.  She told me that my mom is right with me, trying to tell me that the pains of the physical world are not part of the spiritual realm, that she is okay, that she is figuratively waving right in front of me to understand this.

So, here is the thing...I don't know what there is after death, I don't know what I believe, really.  I guess I thought that someone dies and their energy becomes a part of everything, from stars we begin, to stars we return.  I didn't like to think about someone sticking around in another form, but what do I know?  When she said all of that it was comforting.

This constant state of tiredness is frustrating.  I know it is depression, I hope it isn't a sign of a flare.  My RA has been so well controlled recently...I am down to 2 mg of prednisone!  The weird heart stuff is happening less frequently, which is a relief.  I will be so happy when I am off the 'roids again!

I have to find a way to get out of this desire to be a hermit living in an isolated cave!

Peace.




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