So tired

I hit a wall this week.

I don't want to answer questions, make decisions, or deal with ANYTHING.  Not really an option, eh?

I'm so tired...fatigued, really.  I had my Remicade infusion mid-week which is unusual.  I usually do them on Friday afternoon so I can rest afterward and have Saturday as a recovery day.  Scheduling issues led to a Wednesday infusion, from which I haven't recovered. Add to that, trying to wean down prednisone, not sleeping well or enough, feeling almost constant high levels of anxiety and I am so tired...so fatigued. 

Hoping to rest tomorrow before flying out Sunday for a work trip to the West Coast.

I had my first therapy session with the new therapist yesterday.  Kim, Kim is her name.  She isn't Rich, but she is who I am seeing now.  I like her; good energy.  And I am different; more trusting and open, so it wasn't hard to jump right in to the deep end in session one.  Things that I already worked through in the past are coming up anew because the veil of secrecy has been lifted with Mom's death. I basically cried, unapologetically, through the entire 45 m.  I imagine I will be doing a lot of crying in my upcoming sessions, and that is a good thing.

"What are your goals for therapy?"
Oh so many...

Maneuver and experience this grief
Identify and apply appropriate boundaries with specific people
Learn how to feel angry without shutting down
Reaffirm and strengthen the skills and tools I have to live a healthy life

I am ready to work for all these things...after a long nap.

Peace.

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