Finality

Because I didn't seen mom regularly or often over the past decade, it doesn't feel weird not to see her or hear from her now, except when it does.

I realized last night that I haven't done a loving kindness meditation since the one I did the week before she died, when I was sending her positive love and kindness energy and she sent me a text.

Every so often something happens or something reminds me of her and it hits me like a ton of bricks that I will never hear from her again.  She will never send me a text randomly telling me she loves me.  She will never call.  I will never see her again.  The finality of it is really hard.

It is going to take time to really process all that is coming up, I know that.  My goal is to find some peace in the process.

I've missed her for a decade, but this missing is different.

Peace.

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