Who knew

I was at the dentist yesterday.  The hygenist asked if I had changes in my meds because my gums were really spongy and had obvious irritation.  I said that I was back on daily steroids for my RA. "Ah, yes, that explains it...steroids wreck havoc... Did I tell you my sister-in-law has RA?"  We then had a conversation that included the following from him:

"Man, people hear RA and assume is it just like regular arthritis-osteoarthritis, they have no idea that it is systemic and chronic..."

"Someone told my sister-in-law to give up gluten and it would cure her, she wasn't happy."

"That methotrexate is chemotheraphy, crazy..."

"Her father had it and it was bad.  Really bad.  When she started developing symptoms she was so scared, because she saw what it could be, but they are treating her and she is doing okay now."

It was such a relief to talk to someone who knew, who had a clear understanding that this is not about a swollen knee that can be helped with some OTC meds and ice.  Yes, some of the conversation was brutally honest, but I prefer that to misunderstanding...who knew.  The conversation was comforting.

So often with this disease I find myself having to explain in more detail than I would normally care to share.  Last week, I talked to my boss about working remotely a day a week or every other week as needed and needing a 1/2 day off for a hip injection, and I didn't like feeling so vulnerable.  My work hasn't suffered, my productivity hasn't been affected negatively, but still I felt small and scared revealing that my health has been challenging since January.

Last night I was talking to Christy and told her that I feel like all I do is complain.  She assured me that isn't the case.  It is hard some days.  It is hard to be so aware of my body attacking itself, hard to be so uncomfortable, hard to struggle to find a comfortable sleeping position or sitting position or standing position.  I was so tired last night.  I didn't even do a meditation.  Ugh.  I will do better today.

I have my hip injection this afternoon.  I am glad to be having it, and even more glad that I may be able to go home afterward and take a nap.

My muscles are so tight from holding myself in positions to avoid pain.  I am having calf and foot cramps every day and night I am so tight.  The yoga hasn't helped with that.

I am going to focus to get through the morning then head to the injection with hopes of relief and rest.



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